Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart

Foaming at the mouth

THE WEEKNIGHTER: Mad Dog is used to having stark, raving lunatics, in colorful garb, wasted there in the middle of the day. Thankfully.

|
(2)

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER There's a series of photos of me at Mad Dog in the Fog (530 Haight St, SF. 415-626-7279) where I am an absolute monster. I'm dressed in a wretched, beer-stained Santa suit, I have Mickey Mouse ears on, and there's also some kind of sparkly garland thing adorning my head. In most of the pictures I'm flipping off the camera and making ridiculous faces that usually include an Elvis type lip curl. I look unhinged. I look subhuman. Goddamn, I look like I'm having fun. It was SantaCon 2011.Read more »

I want to believe

THE WEEKNIGHTER "Forecast for Tonight: Alcohol. Low Standards and Bad Decisions."

|
(0)

THE WEEKNIGHTER I don't know, man. Would I believe what, that cocktails exist? Yes absolutely, I have four in my belly right now. Is this an X-Files themed bar? I hope so! Why is the grammar so totally screwed up in the name of this bar? What is the goddamn question anyways?Read more »

The mayor of tiki

THE WEEKNIGHTER: Laughing with strangers -- and trying not to black out -- at Trad'r Sam

|
(1)

culture@sfbg.com

WEEKNIGHTER The best tiki bar I've ever been to is Smith's Union Bar in Honolulu's Chinatown. It's a shitty little tiki dive bar with even shittier karaoke. It's also the oldest bar on the island. The night I was there it was full of Navy dudes, punk chicks, gay guys, and a big hulking, transgendered Pacific Islander. I had the crowd arm-in-arm singing "Tiny Dancer" and "Don't Let Me Down" while cheering me on and buying me drinks after I sang. It was pretty much what I wish happened every night of my life.Read more »

The warm-up

THE WEEKNIGHTER: Fanning hometown flames at Fireside Bar

|
(0)

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER Weekends are for amateurs. Weeknights are for pros. That's why each week Broke-Ass Stuart (www.brokeassstuart.com) will be exploring a different San Francisco bar, bringing you stories about the places and people who make San Francisco one of the most phenomenal cities in the world. Who wants a drink?Read more »

On the hoof

THE WEEKNIGHTER: How many people can you fit in the Black Horse Pub? (We're serious.)

|
(0)

Who moved my cheese?

THE WEEKNIGHTER: Roar and whimper, Lion Pub's seen plenty of change

|
(2)

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER Weekends are for amateurs. Weeknights are for pros. That's why each week Broke-Ass Stuart (www.brokeassstuart.com) will be exploring a different San Francisco bar, bringing you stories about the places and people who make San Francisco one of the most phenomenal cities in the world. Who wants a drink?Read more »

Fogged in

THE WEEKNIGHTER Brave summer souls take to Jones' expansive patio

|
(1)

THE WEEKNIGHTER Weekends are for amateurs. Weeknights are for pros. That's why each week Broke-Ass Stuart (www.brokeassstuart.com) will be exploring a different San Francisco bar, bringing you stories about the places and people who make San Francisco one of the most phenomenal cities in the world. Who wants a drink?Read more »

Secret passages

THE WEEKNIGHTER Through the back door at Bourbon & Branch

|
(0)

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER Weekends are for amateurs. Weeknights are for pros. That's why each week Broke-Ass Stuart (www.brokeassstuart.com) will be exploring a different San Francisco bar, bringing you stories about the places and people who make San Francisco one of the most phenomenal cities in the world. Who wants a drink? Read more »

The 8 things that made BottleRock, well, BottleRock

|
(0)

I am surrounded by people with purple teeth, stained from too much red wine. These people are twisted beyond belief, screaming obscenities about forgotten 90s bands, while wine sloshes around in glasses suspended by those stupid-looking lanyard wine glass holders. I want to say to them, “Literally, handle your shit. Like, physically hold your glass of wine. You’re a grown up.” It’s like a bad summer picnic for rich winos…Read more »