SEX + MUSIC ISSUE: We pair sex apps with pop stars, because why not.
SPREADSHEETS = KAYNE WEST
Need constant ego-stroking? Spreadsheets will be the creeper in the room that tracks the volume of your moans, the speed of your pumps, and the length of your romp, all in the name of evaluating your talent in the sack. Forget making love or babies (or romance) — make data with bragging rights.
KAHNOODLE = TAYLOR SWIFT
Beneath that frail bone structure, peppy grin, wholesome image, and translucent skin lies a vast and unsettling disappointment, waiting to pounce and smother the world of light. Kahnoodle is an app for "commitment couples", i.e. partners that are energetically bored, not-so-secretly sad, and scandalously imagination-deprived. Send push notifications to initiate sexy time, fill each other's "love banks," and earn "Koupons" that entitle the bearer to redeem weekend movie nights, budget candle-lit dinners, and much-needed oral. Because nothing says romantic like "the phone told me to." Kute.
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